What Was Under My Argument

I was not fighting for "Fairness"

The other day I got into an argument with someone close to me.

Afterward, I sat with the frustration and asked myself a simple question: What am I actually upset about?

The first answer came fast. I'm not being treated fairly.
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But I've learned that the first answer is rarely the real one.

So I kept pulling the thread.

What does "treated fairly" even mean?

I couldn't quite grab it.

So I flipped it.

What does treated unfairly mean?

That one came easier.

Being treated unfairly means being treated as less than.

Fairly means being treated as an equal.

And there it was.

Somewhere in me, being treated unfairly had become a message: you are less than.

And less than to me meant not worthy.

So I wasn't defending fairness.

I was protecting my worthiness.

That changed everything about the argument.

Because the person across from me was never actually voting on my worth.

That vote was happening inside me, underneath the surface, in a pattern I couldn't see until I traced it down.

The argument was never about the argument.

Now I see I am not trying to solve for "Fairness" I can simply see that I am worthy and the person on the other side of the argument is not questioning my worthiness.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Have a great Saturday.

— Tom