Why Forcing My Procrastination Doesn't Work...

My New Approach...

Last week I told you about the email I couldn't open for months. The short version: the thing we're avoiding is never the task. It's a feeling sitting underneath it.

So what do I actually do about that?

Let me give you a picture I keep coming back to. A dandelion.

You know how it goes.
I can cut the top off.
Looks gone.
Feels handled.
And a few days later it's right back — because I never touched the root.

That's exactly what I used to do.
Willpower, discipline, "just push through it."
With that email, I'd force myself to sit down, stare at it, and promise I'd deal with it tomorrow.
It's all cutting the top.
It works for about a day.
Then it grows right back, because the root was never touched.

And the root has layers.

With my email, the top was "just answer it." One layer down, it was about the money.
Down again, it was the fear of losing what made me feel significant.
Down again, underneath all of it — the fear that without it, I'd be nothing.

That's what was really stopping me from opening an email. Not the email.

And it's not just me.
I worked with someone once who couldn't make himself build a simple webpage.
On the surface, just a webpage.
One layer down, afraid people would judge it.
Down again, fear of rejection.
Down again, fear of being abandoned by the people he loved.
The webpage was never the problem either.

So here's the move — and it's the opposite of what most of us try.
I don't force it anymore.
I turn toward it.

When the resistance shows up, instead of running, I stop and notice where it actually lives — chest, gut, throat, shoulders.
And I let it be there for a second. I look at it.

Sounds too simple.
But think about it — we spend months, sometimes years, avoiding a feeling we've never once turned around and looked at.
And most of the time, it's a sensation that passes in about 90 seconds if we let it.

Hating something and running from it forever is one thing.
Just observing it is a huge step up.
That's the first rung.

I am building a course on how to identify and process the deeper emotions. If you are interested, let me know!

Have a great Saturday,

-Tom