My Worthiness Craving...

I get to see what I really control

I'm building something new right now.
It's out of my norm, and I expected it to take off like a rocket.

It hasn't.

And I noticed I was taking it personally.
When I sat with why, I found it: I was tying the results to my worthiness.

Slow growth felt like it was saying something about me.

But here's what I keep forgetting: Grypmat wasn't a rocket either.
It was two long, slow years before anything moved.
I look back now and call it a success story — I forget it started as a crawl.

So here's what landed in the quiet:
This growing slowly is not a reflection of my worthiness.
People saying no is not a reflection of my worthiness.
​I am worthy because I am worthy.

Sitting with it longer, I saw the craving underneath — a craving to control the growth.
And I was craving control because some part of me believed it would give me worthiness.

But more often than not, if I had everything I wanted, I'd still be unhappy. My craving doesn't end when it's fed.

So I'm choosing to see what this is teaching me instead.
The value of patience.
The value of seeing feedback as feedback — not a personal attack.
And the reminder that the one thing I do control is my perspective.

I get to see where I'm feeling unworthy — and not react to it.
​Reacting to the feeling means I believe it. ​
So instead, I'm letting it sit in my body, taking as much time as it needs to pass through.

The feeling isn't the problem. The reaction is.​
I will not build from a reaction to feeling unworthy.
I will build from the peace that knowing I'm worthy brings.
And I get to let this journey be the gift — and let myself receive it.

Thanks for reading this far. I'd love to hear if/how you relate to any of this ❤️

Have a great Saturday.

— Tom